She's 23 and stuck in Quarantine! Wow, what a year. If you asked me a year go what I was doing for my birthday, I would have never guessed that I would be staying home. When COVID19 hit Toronto in March, I was pretty devastated to hear that we would be social distancing for the next few months. For those who know me, I make a pretty big deal out of birthdays. It's the one day of the year I get to show out and show up for myself. For the past few years I have always spent my birthday celebrating with my best friends, so I was pretty disappointed that I couldn't leave home this year. To my surprise though, it was one of the best birthdays I ever had and I'm excited to share how I spent it.

Leading up to my birthday, I was a bit overwhelmed. Even though, we're all kinda just chilling at home, I still had other responsibilities like online classes and working from home. I just wasn't as excited to celebrate my birthday this year. However, the week before one of my best friends Blossom was keeping me in good spirits and encouraging me to still dress up and have a party in Quarantine fashion on Zoom, an app where multiple people can video chat each other. So I was like bet, the show must go on and I began telling my friends that Friday night we would be celebrating my birthday virtually. However, two days before my birthday my mom and I had an argument and I was ready to cancel everything. Being stuck at home is definitely making everyone a bit stir crazy and arguments are bound to happen if you're social distancing with a big family like I am. So, one of my neighbours who is also social distancing and lives alone invited me over the night before my birthday to celebrate and breathe a bit easier. When I went over, we did a mini impromptu birthday photoshoot using a gold backdrop, hockey sticks and my iPhone. It was so much fun! As a creative, it's always refreshing to create and collaborate spontaneously. We created a video, took the shots and listened to some Jazz. Then as I finished changing out of my outfit in the bathroom, I walked out to the living room to see a birthday card with my name on it beside a bottle of Rose Moët. Such a sweet gift and birthday note. We spent the rest of the night listening to more music, talking and laughing. Midnight came, and we popped the bottle to celebrate my day. The night was perfect.
​
In the morning, I woke up to a beautiful breakfast: Almond egg with mash sweet potato and hemp hearts, with a bowl of kiwi on the side. My favourite! I got dressed in one of my favourite black lace outfits, put on some makeup  and came home to another surprise. The whole living room was decorated with balloons and birthday signs that my mother and sisters planned. My younger sister then came out with red velvet cheesecake in her hand (another favourite of mine) and everyone began singing happy birthday. I was surrounded by love and wouldn't have changed a thing. My birthday this year was also on Good Friday, so we ate some cake, alongside some fish, bun and cheese and played an Easter Egg hunt with my youngest siblings. Between the food, the TikToks, the sweet messages I received, the rap battle my siblings and I had (maybe we will show the recording one day lol) everything was perfect. Two of my friends Lika & Tobi even had cheesecake delivered to my house. Lol, my friends clearly know me! I'm so lucky to have them. I didn't think the night would get better, but it did.

I started getting ready for my Zoom Party, put on this beautiful leather dress bought me and was amped. I shared the Zoom link to my closest friends and let them know at 8:30 I was ready to go! 8:30 came at first it took awhile for my friends to join the chat, making me feel a bit anxious and send out "where are you" text messages. Shortly after, 7 of my closest friends joined me and we spent five hours on a video call, dancing, laughing, sharing and just having a blast. Shout out to my DJ, Ellen who played all the dancehall tracks and made me get lit in my living room lol. After the dancing, we played a card game that I recently purchased called We Aren't Really Strangers. 10/10, I recommend everyone purchase this game! I did not expect us to play this game for hours, but it was never a dull moment. We all opened up, talking about things we are grateful for, things we are trying to improve and why we think we all met and are so connected. The questions were challenging, insightful but so much fun. Tears were definitely shed, and I felt like I got even closer with each and every one of them. In no particular order, just want to extend a huge thank you to Isaiah, Deja, Minzi, Cinzia, Blossom, Bernice and Ellen for creating these memories with me last night. I know some of my favourite people were missed and couldn't join and that's completely okay. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I admit, at first I was so fixated on numbers and making sure the whole world joined me online just to celebrate and now I am so full of gratitude that it worked out the way it did because of the level of intimacy we were able to share with just the eight of us. We probably wouldn't have been able to play the game successfully if there were a bunch of people in the chat. We got off video around 2:30 am, and I remember just feeling so loved and at peace with how my birthday went. I think 2019 was the year I definitely tapped into my vulnerability and started unravelling all that I am now, so it was refreshing to celebrate and honour that vulnerability with my friends.

I know I am rambling now, but my 23rd birthday was definitely amazing. I am so blessed that I was able to celebrate with both friends and family. I am so blessed that I don't have to social distance alone. Fights or no fights, I am so grateful for this period we are currently in. I am learning how to pause, slow down and go with the flow. Most importantly, I'm learning how to make the most out of EVERYTHING. Life is a gift, I will never take for granted the meaningful relationships I have created, the opportunities that I have manifested and the love that is constantly gravitating towards me. Thank you to every single person who wished me a happy birthday and has been supporting me this past year. Learning How to Fly Diaries is officially a year old, and I plan to continue writing, continue creating and continue evolving. Happy 23rd Birthday to me.

Love always,
Keosha

DOS:
1. Check-in on your friends and family. Video call them and make sure you're still enhancing your relationships even as you social distance. Do not shut out the people you love. As hard as this is, we need each other. Send a text and see how others are doing. Quality time even during a pandemic is key. I have been spending so much of my time on Zoom with my friends laughing and just being ourselves, Zoom is the new Instagram. Hop on.
2. Share or donate to support those in need. There are many emergency funds and resources out right now for people who are in financial need. If you are someone who can donate, please do! If you can't donate financially, that is okay. Instead, share the resources you find to people who can donate or people who would benefit from the fund/resource.
3. Wash your hands & stay home. Protect yourself and others by practicing social distancing. Our health is so important and we all have to do our part so we are not putting other lives at risk. Limit your time outside and practice consistent cleanliness.
4. Only take what you need and leave some for others. Please stop panic-buying and share food with each other. I promise the food and toilet paper, isn't going anywhere. Be kind, be considerate and only take what you need as you do your bi-weekly grocery shopping.
5. Spread some love & gratitude. This is a really a dark time for some people so if you have it in you share some of your light and love to lift up others. Send a funny meme and make someone laugh/smile today. Remind yourself and the people around you why you're grateful to be alive. Despite everything going on, reflect on all the blessings you still have and celebrate the gift of having each other. Be kind to yourself and extend your kindness to those around you. Make a gratitude list and read it whenever you're feeling discouraged.
6. Be creative. Find ways to still be active and incorporate routine at home. Try doing something you love whether it's art, working out or watering your plants, remember to still exercise your creativity while you're at home and find ways to keep yourself moving. I have been trying to write more often while also trying not to rush the process. It's completely okay to do nothing sometimes, but don't leave your creative work on the back burner.
7. Take some time for yourself. This is a great time for some me, myself and I. Solitude is a great way to connect with yourself and grow individually. Take advantage of being at home so you can pause, rest and rest. Find ways to breathe easier and practice mindfulness.
8. Catch up on unfinished work. This is also an opportunity to start or finish that thing you left hanging months ago. Get inspired and revisit some of your old-work. You might surprise yourself with what you can create during this time.
9. Share your favourite music, book or movie with friends. Who else is binge-watching, reading and creating new playlists everyday? Yeah, same. Don't you dare keep all those gems to yourself, share music and good reads and your recent watches with your networks. It might even be fun to talk about that album, book, or movie together. If you want a good conversation started, I highly recommend Room or Lion on netflix, I loved those films.
10. Practice Self-care. Last but not least, take care of yourself during this time. It can be so difficult adjusting to all these changes, so make sure you're prioritizing your well-being and paying attention to your needs. Cook your favourite healthy meal, talk to someone when you're feeling down, dance to your favourite song, go to bed earlier, do whatever you need to do to feel GOOD. You matter and so does your health. Yoga and binge-watching my favourite shows is my self-care, find healthy practices that work best for you.

DON'TS
1. Panic-buying. I know everyone is a worried and unsure of when this will be all over but it is not OKAY to panic-buy and be selfish with food and other resources. SHARE with your neighbourhoods and be more considerate while you shop. 
2. Go outside to see your friends. I know you miss your friends because I do too but now is not the time to have a sleepover or play 2k at your friends house. Stay home in order to protect yourself and your friends from potentially coming into contact with the virus.
3. Invite groups over to your home. Even if you've been staying home and staying clean, inviting friends over can put others at risk. Do not invite people over during this time and practice social distancing for the safety of others.
4. Spread fake news and disinformation. Ensure that all news your digesting is credible and accurate before sharing with others. Spreading fake news can cause harm and create more panic, so be aware and cautious of what you are reading.
5. Ignore or hide symptoms of being sick. Pay attention to your health and do not hide potential symptoms of being sick. If you experiencing any kind of sickness that maybe linked to COVID contact a professional health-care provided immediately. Many phone-lines are currently open 24 hours to assist anyone who is feeling sick.
6. Be racist or discriminatory to Asian communities. Pretty self-explanatory, don't be a dick Timothy. Mind your business and keep your mouth closed if you don't have anything kind to say. Being concerned about catching COVID like everyone else is not an excuse to be rude, racist or discriminatory to Asian communities or families.
7. Cough or sneeze on others. Please practice cleanliness while you're outside and indoors. Stay 6-feet away from others and do not cough or sneeze on anyone. Pretty easy, right? 
8. Hoard toilet paper. There is no reason for anyone to be buying 10 packs of toilet paper in one grocery run. It is selfish, inconsiderate and stupid, okay? Please stop, there is enough toilet paper to go around. And I'm sure a shower is way more effective than wiping your ass anyways.
9. Neglect your mental health & self-care practices. Be gentle with yourself during this time. Many emotions may arise, do not shut them out, but do not let them take over either. Feel all the necessary feelings in order to move forward. Lean on others for support, practice self-care daily and do not take your mental health for granted. You are not alone in this, in fact you are loved and needed.
10. Underestimate the seriousness of the situation. I think we're all on the same page when I say, CORONA VIRUS, shit is getting real *in my Cardi B voice*. Y'all, do not take this pandemic lightly. People are dying. People are suffering. Please follow the directions given by WHO and practice social distancing. I know it sucks and I know this is something none of us could have imagined, but we will absolutely get through this, but we need everyone to do their part and help out. Stay home, stay healthy.

I hope this list is helpful for some people, being stuck at home isn't the greatest feeling and it sure isn't cute either. I haven't waxed in almost 3 weeks and I'm about to lose it. But, what keeps me going is knowing how much I'm not alone. This is something the entire world is going through together and I know we will all receive something from this when it's all over. Make the most out of this time. Some of us have never taken a break from our daily jobs or responsibilities, maybe this is the time to pause and reflect. Maybe this is the time to get to know someone better. However you choose to use this time, please be safe, stay informed and look out for others. Sending everyone love always, this too shall pass. xo

Keosha Love

It's the year 2020, the Twitterverse is stronger than ever, memes instead of aliens have taken over and Instagram is the new Indeed. I know the whole "new year, new me" speech is getting old, but a whole new decade is finally here. Are you ready for it? See, I don't know if anyone can ever be completely ready for something but at least we can prepare. So, to start off the decade, here are 10 ways to enter 2020 that *may* better prepare you for inevitable changes, lots of growth and to give you a fresh start.

   Summer 2019 is unfortunately over but will forever be in my heart because I finally got to visit Jamaica, my home country for the first time. I am so full of gratitude for the experience but also sad to be back home in Toronto because it's already so damn cold and the food just isn't the same. Going back to Jamaica was definitely long overdue, but better late than never. Funny enough, so many things were stopping me from going on this trip and I made it anyway. Although Toronto is very multicultural and has a very Jamaican-influenced culture, I knew I would feel a different kind of satisfaction and connection going back home. I spent 9 days in 4 different homes and got to experience different kinds of people and different parts of our country.

There‘s hardly room for feeling sadness, loneliness or overwhelmed because it’s outside of success or usually an indicator for struggling with success. Therefore, no one talks about these normal experiences because it’s deemed as unsuccessful. But to be honest, I think it’s un-fucking-fair because it makes people feel like they’re not doing well if they feel confused or lost on some days. I feel confused and lost almost every day but I don’t believe that makes me unsuccessful. It also doesn’t mean I’m living a bad life. I think it actually confirms that I’m indeed living LIFE. I don’t think success is meant to pretty or ought to be this fabulous thing all the time, because it just won’t. Sometimes when you talk about these experiences of sadness, everyone assumes something needs to be fixed. Sadness doesn’t need to be fixed. Sadness doesn’t need immediate relief. It’s totally okay to just feel things and communicate those feelings without needing someone to offer you advice, tips or corny takes of wisdom. Success to me is being yourself and accepting who that is — emotions, feelings, experiences and all. Success to me is honesty. Living an honest life, with the mess and struggles included. Success to me is any kind of progress. Slow progress is still progress. I’m trying to unlearn ideas of success that are unhealthy for my growth. Because my success is not what people tell me it is, success is what I define it to be. Even when I’m going through it, I am still a mf’ing success.

Before #MentalAwarenessMonth ends, I really wanted to share my experiences with mental health and how protecting my wellness has become a major part of my life. In the past, I was really good at overlooking a lot things I was going through and pretending like I had all my shit together. I didn’t really know how to address my feelings or the anxiety I experienced. I think a lot of it stemmed from wanting to keep up with the strong black girl narrative but fuck that, I realized my strength does not derive through my silence. I’m still learning how to feel without being hard on myself or worry about disappointing others. The truth is, shit gets messy, I get clumsy, I get hurt and I don’t always deal with things rationally. When I’m anxious, I’m impulsive, I panic and sometimes shut down. But I can’t hold myself accountable until I really address those things. I think because of the old tale of women being emotional and dramatic, I’m constantly defensive about how I feel and making sure I keep my emotions tucked in. But I think feelings are necessary and they aren’t meant to be ignored. I admit, I sometimes hate being labelled as emotional but I hate how addressing your emotions is perceived as a negative thing even more. It just doesn’t make sense. There’s this constant conversation online about taking care of yourself and making sure your mental health is taken more seriously but when “being in your feelings” is seen as this weakness, I don’t think the message is getting across correctly. There is nothing wrong with feeling through all the feels. Pin pointing those feelings is actually necessary in order to maintain a positive mental space. Sharing those feelings and then releasing it all is so necessary for clarity and moving forward. It won’t always be crystal clear, life is mad confusing but I found myself in a really low place mentally when I didn’t let those thoughts out. Writing has always been that release for me and I’ve found so much peace through putting things onto paper. However, being able to say things out loud has also been empowering lately. I think owning up to my mess and being able to communicate with people who support and love me has made such a positive impact on my mental wellness. It can be scary to speak and I know what it’s like to fear judgement from others but being able to live in my truth has given me so much power. It feels good to be myself unapologetically and draw that acceptance from within. Feelings suck but they are inevitable. Talk about it. Cry about it. Write about it. Shout about if you have to. What I’ve learned the most is suppressing it, only adds to the stress so making sure I’m not only expressing myself but making space for others to express too is important. To whoever is reading, I hope you can also find the space to finally share, release or open about that thing. Whether on paper or face-to-face, I’m sending you all my love to do it.


With love,
Keosha

 
​   I'm guilty. I still haven't mastered how to set stronger boundaries in my life. No one is really given instructions on how to set boundaries but without them, you are so much more susceptible to self-sabotage and unhealthy relationships. So, what are boundaries and why are they so important to have?